So, my son (Osian) is 7 years old and, even if I do say so myself, pretty clever for his age. I am currently in the process of getting him diagnosed with Aspergers and he has lots of quirks and obsessions. Over the years though, he has come out with some of the maddest things I’ve ever heard another human being say, so I thought I’d make a little collection of the most memorable ones for your amusement……
Osian – Mummy, how much do bank managers get paid?
Me – Hundreds and thousands
Osian – What? They get paid with those little sprinkles?
‘Mummy, if I wear army clothes, will I be camel flange?’
‘If you don’t stop shouting at me, next time it rains I won’t bring you any sunshine’
*doing a countries wordsearch*
Osian – What word are we looking for?
Me – Hungary
Osian – Not again, Mummy? You’re always hungry
Osian – How come you work in the charity shop, but you don’t get paid?
Me – It’s voluntary. You do it because you want to help and be a good person
Osian – That’s not why you do it. You’re doing it because the Job Centre are making you do it
Osian – Do you want to play a game?
Me – Yeah, if you want
Osian – Ok. You’re the toilet.
‘Why don’t cows lay eggs?’
‘How many trucks have you got in your head?’
*pulling all his toys out, huffing and puffing*
‘Why is everything in this house made in China?’
*comes to the top of the stairs, crying*
‘I’m just sad because we don’t celebrate Thanksgiving’
‘Mummy, you’re a tit, but don’t worry, I like tits’
‘How do swords work?’
Osian – Can Doc be a girls name?
Me – Erm, yeah, I suppose so
*comes downstairs wearing a bra*
Osian – Hi. My name’s Doc
‘Smell my knees. They smell weird’
*pronouncing his l’s like r’s*
‘Mummy, what’s an election?’
*pronouncing his r’s like w’s*
‘Mummy, what does ranking mean?’
‘Mummy, it doesn’t matter that you’re not very good at tidying up. You’re still pretty’
*after playing GTA*
‘Mummy, where my homies at? Crack dealers ruin lives, you know’
‘Mummy, why don’t you ever teach me things like geometry and stuff?’
‘Do you want to know something crazy about Japan, Mummy? The melons are really expensive there’
Osian – Mummy, I’m a classic car covered in stones. What are you?
Me – I’m a sports car covered in diamonds. Look how sparkly I am
Osian – I’m more sparkly than you
Me – How can you be? You’re covered in stones
Osian – Yeah, but they’re gem stones
‘Mummy, can I have this game for my tablet? You can make your own mountains’
*it was a stocks and shares app*
*playing a game – I Spy, but it can be anything you want, you don’t have to be able to see it*
Osian – It’s something starting with the letters C and D. It’s a type of transport
*me, absolutely clueless, give up*
Osian – A crop duster
It’s hard to keep up sometimes, but things are definitely never boring around here that’s for sure.